I was writing up questions for an interview, and I wrote down a question I realized I couldn't answer for myself: Can you explain your fetish to us?

I realized that for most of my fetishes, I couldn't explain why they are enticing to me.

For example, I enjoy binding my wife. Now if I only enjoyed using ropes & cuffs to render her helpless, I could say it was the rush that comes from making someone completely helpless & under my control. However, I enjoy decorative bindings just as much.

The more I think about it, the more twisted threads I see in the yarn of my fetishes. Waxing, bondage, sensation play, and punishment scenes all have some common threads. Perhaps the strongest & most exciting thread is the submission of my wife to my whims. The moment when her body relaxes and she accepts that I will be controlling her and that she will be safe is perhaps the greatest aphrodisiac around.

The next common thread I see is the intimacy between her and I. Some people might look at a punishment scene and question: "What intimacy?", but it's there and it's an incredibly deep bond. From the moment the first rope goes on or the first drop of wax falls, I am focused on her body and her reactions. Every twitch, moan, and gasp is a signal of her current emotional and physical state, and it's my responsibility to read it correctly.

Can I put another drop of wax directly on her *censored*, or should I pour it on her mons & let it run down between her labia? Can I lay 3 stripes of the cane across her ass now, or do I have to stop at 2? These and a thousand other questions I have to ask myself with every movement. That absolute focus on her is both highly erotic and spiritual.

I say it's spiritual because in forging that bond between me and her, it seems that I also renew the bond between me and life itself. During and following a scene, I find that there is a clarity to life that is lacking most of the time. The petty worries and concerns of everyday life are put back into perspective.

The last of the common threads I can easily identify is being active. I would make a very poor voyeur as I only find visual stimulation mildly exciting as compared to being involved. I adore the look of a fully harnessed ponygirl, but in all honesty, I would rather sit on a couch with one of my wife's tits in my hand and listen to her moan while I squeeze it than watch a parade of them go by. Oh, a good movie or story is great fun, but even doing little things is better 9 days out of 10.

Having taken a closer look at my fetishes, I'll be honest that I'm not sure I can explain them any better than I could before. When I'm acting on them, when I think about them, and when I remember what I did about them, they make me horny. When it comes right down to it, isn't that all it really has to do?